Chaotic Souls Are The Fuel That Drive Twitter....!

Zaka

Antisocial beings are sort of rebels in their own subtle ways. Asocial behavior is a trait of intelligence in a world full of conformists, which is unacceptable in this conformist world. So, we don't try to fit in, and on account of that we are seen odd, weird for some. Some just say 'Nerds', while others call us misanthropic. I don't entirely agree. Antisocial doesn't necessarily mean misanthropic but this logic ain't without weight as @psychologicaI tweeted the other day...

So you do have a reason to believe what you believe. Anyway, This ain't the thing I'm going to ramble about, am I? Nope, I'm going to talk about antisocial beings and their love with 140. Antisocial beings are protagonists of the drama that is being staged on Twitter. These chaotic souls are the fuel that drive Twitter....

Yeah! these chaotic souls gave a whole new meaning to Twitter or as some of us put it 'Life in 140.' Come to think of it, we can't really be that antisocial if such powerful and popular 'Social Media' revolves around us? 
I don't know if our scruffy minds gave fame to Twitter or is it Twitter who gives voice to lost souls who usually hide in their closets? Maybe both.
Twitter is no place for verbosity. It's for people who are damned careful with their words, and 140 characters is the prefect length to fit snippets of depressive ideology.

I, for one, think Twitter spreads one's soliloquy in the realm which knows no boundaries. Twitter is like talking to yourself or thinking out loud for that matter. Now don't tell me you don't talk to yourself, because we all do. However, here on Twitter, a whole lot gets to read your thoughts when you're all alone with yourself, and some add their two cents at times, which, on occasions, turns into a limitless-timeless conversation. 

Here you can meet people who want to be alone. As Dimitri Zaik once yearned; 
“I want to be alone with someone else who wants to be alone.” 

Join Twitter, Dimitri, if you haven't already.

Though, introverts are quite okay with themselves but hey, little appreciation doesn't harm, so we take it to the Twitter......

It's the chaos of inside that always spawns the best tweets...

And there's a method to the madness...

And it's comforting to pass the buck....

And then we have philosophy that Cicero would have been in awe of had he been on Twitter.

Remember Me..!

Remember me
Like that letter,
of an old friend
Found lay in a book
Words
Though discolored
And,
faded
But familiar
Evoke memories
Of days gone by
Good,
bad
Sweet,
sour
Rosy,
gloomy
Cheerful,
frightful
It tells you all
And
Leaves you misty-eyed
Just remember me
Like that letter

Ramblings of an Unstable Mind

Zaka
"You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” ― John Green

Last night I had the urge to shoot myself through the roof of my mouth. I had an impulse to shoot myself through the temple. It was one of those nights when you toss and turn in bed trying to fall asleep but your mind won't allow you to do so. You just lay there and ruminate, albeit you don't want to. And then you bury your head underneath the pillow and realize the true meaning of an expression we often use lightly: "I wanna die."

So, I lay awake in the pitch-dark room and longed for the word that could describe the emotions I had been going through - a cold feeling, deep down inside - when you know something ain't right. A profusion of words were being flooded in my vacant mind, but I couldn't recognize them for they were unfamiliar.

The toll has taken on me. This is who I am. It ain't who I wanted to be. I'm dead inside and nothing can be done about it. There's nothing going for me and there never will be. Yesterday, I was with some friends and I realized I'm at the end of my tether, up against the wall, so close to giving up, so near to my breaking point. Because there's only so much more I can take.

I don't know if I could talk to someone, not sure if anyone would understand either. As humans we all have dreams of great success but none of us realize that some of us are fated to fall by the wayside, and some are destined to great failures. Though it doesn't seem a way to be redeemed but if only someone provides me with a reason to live on. I might give up all I have just to breathe.

Silence

In an evening like this,
When setting sun kindled the horizon
And 
Fallen leaves rustled in the cold December wind
You kissed me on the forehead
And whispered,
Don't talk to me too often
Days went by
Now,
In evenings like this,
You sob
'cause,
I don't talk too often

Longing for Light of the Day

In a sleepless night,
My imagination took me to a Stygian dungeon
Alone I sit and trepidation has squeezed my heart
Leaning elbows on the knees, 

Covering the face with my hands,

I wished to stop moving in the maze of wandering thoughts

But mind,
That can not cease to think,

Has snatched my hope
I scream,

But realize I can't be heard
I should not pine for light of the day

For I'll not see it
I close my eyes,

Knowing that, 

It's death waiting with its gloom

100 Facts about Me…!

With laptop on my lap, I sat. Staring mindlessly at the screen, I wanted to write something but just couldn’t weave a single cohesive thought. It is as if I forgot to write or maybe due to a superfluity of thoughts that have been bolting into the mind of their own accord. However, that isn’t unusual either, because that is what the mind does – it creates the world around us. And scruffy minds like mine revel in walking down unpredictable avenues of thoughts, turning new corners, discovering strange new realms. 

So, I surfed the web, read a few tweets and then this hash tag #100FactsAboutMe caught my attention. I threw a few in the mix and then wondered if I really could write or even know 100 facts about myself. I can tell it was way harder than I thought but nevertheless, it was something worth contemplating for.

1. I have a very vivid imagination and I live in my head. 
2. I love to walk alone along the beach and watch sunset. 
3. I’m an antisocial hermit, I feel disconnected from the outer world as if I am the only person like me. 
4. I lack appropriate social skills needed to make friends and I take a lot of time to make someone’s acquaintance. 
5. I’ve never been in love. 
6. Like most antisocial people I love twitter. 
7. Since I lack adequate social skills, I try to be a bit social on social networks (LOL). 
8. I feel like I can’t share any of my feelings to anyone. 
9. Most people think I’m rude, conceited, but I am not. Though, I am not very good with people. 
10. If some people existed in my computer, trust me I wouldn’t take a second to delete them. 
11. I - more often than not – keep my opinion in my head. 
12. I do think about dying young. 
13. Barring Table tennis, I like most of sports but I love football. 
14. I’m a culé. 
15. I thought I was going to play professional football but then picked up a few injuries, especially the tissues’ damage in my right ankle. 
16. Among sports women, I think Yelena Isinbayeva aka Russian pole vault queen – is the prettiest around. 
17. I love poetry, music, movies and reading books. 
18. I can’t name poets, writers and books that I like because they are too many to mention. 
19. I hate blabbers and clingy people. 
20. I used to be a serious gamer. 
21. I’m not a morning person. 
22. My mom usually likes me home before the street lights come on. She’s such a simple woman. 
23. I wear lenses, though I have as many as 5 pair of glasses but I don’t wear them but sure I like to buy them. 
24. Traffic jams annoy me so much. 
25. When I left University, I thought I figure out the life already. Now I realize how wrong one can be. 
26. Owing to the fact that I can’t fit in, when I was a kid, I believed I was from another world. 
27. If I get time, I still like to watch Tom & Jerry, my favorite cartoon. 
28. I tend to watch most of the programs on YouTube. 
29. I am not a good swimmer. 
30. One time, a huge wave swept and banged me against the rocks 30 feet towards the right from where I was swimming and I had received so many contusions on my ribs, elbows, back, knees, shins and feet. 
31. I have a diverse taste in music. 
32. I have a love-hate relationship with myself. 
33. I lost 4 phones so far and I don’t know about 3 of them, whether somebody stole it from me or I dropped them somewhere. And the other one, while climbing stairs and texting simultaneously, I barged into a man who was on his descent. As a result I found myself watching helplessly as my phone bounced off the stairs and crashed to the floor. Phone LCD got damaged beyond repair. 
34. I can forgive but I can’t forget. 
35. I like to help people if I can. 
36. I love to walk in rain and get drenched. And sitting by the window, watching raindrops when I’m inside. 
37. Sometimes I get so sad for no reason. 
38. I like paranormal stuff. The X-Files was my favorite. 
39. Of all professions, I am not the least bit interested in teaching. 
40. If I were a felon, I’d be a bank robber instead of an assassin. 
41. Apart from professional work, I write about things I like and some of them I post on my blog. 
42. I’m a cynic. 
43. I’m a sad case. 
44. I have never been good enough, though I tried to be. 
45. I have done my Masters in I.R in 2008 and joined a news paper which I just left. 
46. If I ever become a ghost, I’ll haunt my ex-boss the most. 
47. And I have many regrets. 
48. My one regret is that I am not someone else. 
49. If I had the chance to start again, I would certainly do everything differently. 
50. When I was a kid, I used to be afraid of dark. Now I find solace in it. 
51. I miss being a kid and being carefree. 
52. I hated school but I liked college and university. 
53. When I was little, once my Dad took me to his office, and after a while Dad asked me “Why are you so quiet, what’s troubling you?”, “I can’t understand what you people writing in these files”, I replied. 
54. When I was 9, my cousin (16) duped me to sneak into a fruit farm in their vicinity to pluck some papaya, guava and mangoes. He told me it was safe and they’d done it before. Farm owner almost caught me and he had a shotgun in his hands. That day I ran faster than Usain Bolt. 
55. My room is always a mess. 
56. If I had a chance, I would like to have a go at skydiving. 
57. I think it would be cool to visit Antarctica. 
58. I don’t care about people and what they think. 
59. I don’t interfere in others’ affair and hate when somebody pokes their nose in mine. 
60. Sometimes I feel short compared to most people, although, 5’9 is okay I guess. 
61. I really hate being ill. 
62. I appreciate my parents. 
63. I love my buddy and we are quite different. 
64. My favorite color is white. 
65. When I can’t sleep, I sit on the rooftop gazing stars. 
66. I like pizza and fried rice the most. 
67. I can't sing. Nevertheless, I try to in shower. 
68. I like Discovery and Nat Geo. 
69. I hate cats. 
70. I’ve never smoked. 
71. Sometimes I drive around aimlessly. 
72. I have a lackadaisical shaving routine. 
73. I have become super lazy lately. 
74. I fantasize a lot. 
75. I don’t live in present. Either I’m in the past or future. 
76. I would rather be rich and miserable than broke and happy. 
77. Back in 2006, I had a terrible accident on a bridge. My bike crashed into the fence. Luckily I didn’t fall over, and I escaped major injuries. Since then I haven’t ridden a bike again. 
78. I sometimes feel like I have the worst luck of all. 
79. I procrastinate a lot. 
80. I don’t like tattoos. 
81. I’m a geek. 
82. My favorite font is “Comic Sans Ms” 
83. I hate adobe updates. 
84. I always used Windows and most of the Microsoft products. 
85. I prefer Android. 
86. After waking up, cell phone is the first thing I reach for and it’s probably the last thing I touch before sleeping. 
87. I switched to SkyDrive from Google Drive, and also I started using Dropbox. 
88. I like growing hair and guys with long hair. 
89. My dandruff just doesn’t go away, though I tried so many remedies. 
90. I don’t like going to weddings, well I don’t like to join other social gatherings either. But to me, weddings are really boring and stressful. 
91. I notice so many things but I choose to say nothing. 
92. Rafael Nadal is my favorite Tennis player. 
93. Sometimes I like to watch movies, I have seen before. 
94. My favorite actors are Leonardo DiCaprio, Denzel Washington, Matt Damon, Russell Crowe, Johnny Depp, John Cusack, Sean Connery (he has the sexiest voice I think) and Nicole Kidman. 
95. I don’t like Harrison Ford, Natalie Portman and above all Cameron Diaz, I’d slap her if I could, and I think they should all just stop acting now. 
96. Espionage, war and movies about bank robberies fascinate me the most. 
97. I make a lot of mistakes and I think about them. 
98. Writing 100 facts about yourself is another mistake because it’s so damn hard. 
99. While typing these lines, I have realized quite a few things about myself. 
100. My name is Zaka.

Spiritless

Zaka

Gazing at a colorless picture
That I just drew
Wonder I,
If my world needs some colors...!

A Fairy That Never Was...!!!

Zaka

05:31 AM

“Nothing is as lonely as not sleeping”, tweeted I, as I kept wallowing in the bed. It'd been over 6 hours since I hit the sack. But I had only an hour of sleep and that too - in bits and pieces. However, for my nightmares, that sole hour was enough to kill me once more.

Last night, sleep deserted me like people who run away from a plague-hit town. I’m not an insomniac. Sometimes, I sleep straight up to 14, 15 hours. And yet I experience these sorts of nights when I feel like a man who hasn’t slept in an aeon.

......

11:58 PM

Burying my head underneath the pillow, I tried to hide from the phone light that kept blinking every now and then.

“Who’s it? I aint gonna reply”, spluttered I. Though, I knew that this restlessness won’t go away unless I read it.

“Hey! Nocturnal being! Catching up for being offline, are you? “, It was DM from another restless-soul - living somewhere in the northern hemisphere.

“Aha, she must have a plethora of thoughts and nothing really lucid to say”, I thought, “this doesn’t warrant a reply anyway”. But I couldn’t resist the temptation for too long and replied:

“Not really, my sleep pattern is sorta messed up, so u get replies from underneath the pillow. Lol”

“*giggles* Is it cosy underneath the pillow?”, she replied back in no time.

“Very *Lol* its kinda my soulmate. Lol”, I typed while meditating that there’s no harm talking to her, because sleep wouldn’t seem coming tonight.

“Whoa! ur pillow is like a soulmate, choose it with care. Lol”, replies were coming thick and fast.

“Tell ya what, ma pillow just whispers that she’s nuts, shut ur fone or else you will go nuts too. LOL”, I threw a teaser.

“*Sheepish smile* Ur pillow must’ve got me”.... reply brought a wry smile to my face. I flung the pillow and went to the bathroom, splashed water on my face. I knew it was futile to go to bed. So, I tramped up to the terrace.

....

02:35 AM

I love moonless nights and not much fond of starless nights. And don’t ask me for a reason, because I don’t need a reason to do things. It was a starless night. There never is anything enchanting about such nights. Shadows are longer, corners are darker and even a whisper echoes louder.

The wind whispered annoyingly at my face as if mocking me.

“Ahaaa, there’s a star, perhaps a loner”, I thought as I descried a lonely star shining tremulously in the vast sky. I had almost forgotten the ongoing conversation but just couldn’t help texting that:

“The sky is clear but I can see just a solitary star up there as if she too, can’t sleep”, I typed musing that she must have something to say. And I wasn’t disappointed at all.

“Sleep is for those who have a set course. The solitary wanders in the dark. Lighting up once in a while when encountering another wandering spirit”, reply came.

“Wow poetess, didn’t see that one coming, gonna have antoher go, see if I could meet some fairly in dreamland, whom might tell me some stories about wandering stars”, after talking gibberish for 3 hours, we finally found something worthy of wasting a sleepless night for...

“And if you meet this fairy, with her tales of the wandering light. Just sit next to her, hold her hand and then she’ll shine so bright...”

“I’m expecting her to glisten anyway, why do I need to hold her hand then?”

“What lingers of the velvet touch stays forever in you soul and that my dear friend is all one needs to know:)”..

“Na... if she tells me stories with a bright smile, thats enough for me, I wont touch coz I might hurt her, Just lemme go, so I can meet her, u making her wait”...

“If you look her in the eyes a smile will soon appear, but fairies aren’t always fragile for a touch they hold so dear. Go and meet her with smile so bright. Treasure what she gives you”....

“I hope so or else some nightmares with new ways of killing me – will be there for me in any case. Sigh”... my phone battery died as soon as I sent the text.

“Even, machines can’t bear the burden of sleepless nights”, sighed I. 03:19 AM was on the clock. I stayed lying awake on terrace and gazed at the lonely star.

05:31 AM

“Nothing is as lonely as not sleeping”....!

Autumn of Discontent

Zaka

In a deathlike stillness only rustle of autumnal leaves was heard as cold wind ran over whispering that winter’s frigidness is here. 

“The fall has gone too soon”, mused I as I turned and sauntered down the empty street. Fallen leaves squeaked under my feet as if solemnity of evening was being offended. Having walked a kilometer down the familiar path, I stopped. 

“Why does discontentment have to be the part of autumn?”, as this strange thought presented itself, I shrugged with an audible exhalation. 

“What can I say?”, I murmured as if the question came from someone else instead of voices in my head. I’m so fond of confusing my mind by dwelling on eerie thoughts that often excite my imagination.

The fall is mature and solemn. No wonder Henry Ward Beecher wrote: 

“October is nature’s funeral month. Nature glories in death more than life. The month of departure is more beautiful than the month of coming – October than May. Evergreen thin loves to die in bright colors.”

Gloom is synonymous with autumn, and yet, it is my favorite time of the year. When you look at the maples, you can sense as if silence listening to silence. Then I understand the true meaning of George Eliot’s words:

“Delicious Autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird. I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumn”, said she.