Autumn of Discontent

Zaka

In a deathlike stillness only rustle of autumnal leaves was heard as cold wind ran over whispering that winter’s frigidness is here. 

“The fall has gone too soon”, mused I as I turned and sauntered down the empty street. Fallen leaves squeaked under my feet as if solemnity of evening was being offended. Having walked a kilometer down the familiar path, I stopped. 

“Why does discontentment have to be the part of autumn?”, as this strange thought presented itself, I shrugged with an audible exhalation. 

“What can I say?”, I murmured as if the question came from someone else instead of voices in my head. I’m so fond of confusing my mind by dwelling on eerie thoughts that often excite my imagination.

The fall is mature and solemn. No wonder Henry Ward Beecher wrote: 

“October is nature’s funeral month. Nature glories in death more than life. The month of departure is more beautiful than the month of coming – October than May. Evergreen thin loves to die in bright colors.”

Gloom is synonymous with autumn, and yet, it is my favorite time of the year. When you look at the maples, you can sense as if silence listening to silence. Then I understand the true meaning of George Eliot’s words:

“Delicious Autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird. I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumn”, said she.

Any Day Above Ground Is A Good Day

Zaka

Once in a while, everyone feels stuck - unable out to find a way. Life seems like a futile war that you are destined to lose. Despite battling it out for every inch. When I find myself in this state of mind, I'm like FML. It sucks, I'm better off dead. I mean life is so important. How could it be so friggin' fragile????

Most of you would agree that life sucks but does it have to be? There's no gainsaying that life is overly complicated and most of us just don't have a clue WHY?

When you're knee deep in shit and pondering that there's no way out. You need a distraction then, or else you will lose whatever is left. As they say humor is the best companion to get through life. Yesterday, with flipping through the tv channels, I was trying to while away a lazy afternoon. A channel showing "Baby's Day Out" made me pause and then I watched the whole movie. Though, I have watched it a couple of times before. It just tickled my funny bones and banished  everything from my mind.

Just to stop my life from sucking, I tried to find something to laugh about. And I came up with these "Life Sucks" maxims. If you find someone whining, share these sayings with them. It may add a laughter to their life.

“Maybe this world is another planet’s hell” - Aldous Huxley

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard

Whenever life sucks, remember you’re going to die someday. So, any day above ground is a good day. – Unknown

“Life is like an onion; you peel off layer after layer and then you find there is nothing in it” - James Gibbons Huneker

I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it. - Charles Schulz

“If the world didn’t suck, we’d fall off” - Unknown

“Life is little more than a loan shark: It exacts a very high rate of interest for the few pleasures it concedes” - Luigi Pirandello

“Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be grateful that it happens in that order” - David Gerrold

“It is not true that life is one damn thing after another… It’s one damn thing over and over” - Edna St. Vincent Millay

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right? - Charles Schulz

The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization. - Karen Horney

“The life of man [is] solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short” - Thomas Hobbes

“Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable” - Woody Allen

“You fall out of your mother’s womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave” - Quentin Crisp

“Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them” - Walter Kerr

“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us” - Calvin

“Life is an incurable Disease” - Abraham Cowley

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything” - Tyler Durden

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry” - Ernest Hemingway

“It is a most mortifying reflection for a man to consider what he has done, compared to what he might have done” - Samuel Johnson

“Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove” - Ashleigh Brilliant

“The world is a grindstone and life is your nose” - Fred Allen

“The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race” - Don Marquis

“Although it is a gloomy view to suppose that life will die out, sometimes when I contemplate the things that people do with their lives I think it is almost a consolation” - Bertrand Russell

Death is life’s way of telling you you’re fired” - Unknown
“It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others” - Unknown

Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation. - Charlotte Bronte

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. - Jack Handey

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't. - Richard Bach

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

PS: If this didn’t bring a perceptible smile to your face, then surely you need to borrow a life. Because, I already see you can't buy one. And one more thing - do tell me about that pawnbroker, because I , also, need a new lease on life. This one ain’t working out. 

Sentiency

In the long hours of nights
Staring at my room walls,
I would lie awake
One night,
The walls asked me to open the core of my heart
They thought they had the ears to listen
The heart to bear
Since,
When night falls
I sleep
And,
The walls weep

Broken thoughts

Physically disconnected from the world - I haven’t shaved my face for almost two weeks. Dizzy and flustered - I’m feeling like a soldier who’s in his first battle – sleep deprived and occupied by thoughts of fear. Fear of unknown, and what’s there? Who is there? Beyond that intangible line. One step beyond that line which resembles the line dividing the living from the dead, lies uncertainty, suffering and death. No one knows, but one wants to know. You fear and yet long to cross that line, and know that sooner or later it must be learned what lies on the other side of death. 

On my terrace, as if searching for something, I gaze into the distance, at the horizon and at the sun. How beautiful the sky looks. How blue, calm and how deep. How bright and glorious is the setting sun. There was peace and happiness. I should wish for nothing else, nothing if only I were there. But here in this world, there’s so much suffering, fear and uncertainty, like everyone is running somewhere and nobody knows where. I don’t know if I should run with them.

At this instant, sun began to hide behind the clouds. And the fear of uncertainty and love of life all melded into one feeling of sickening agitation.

You have to fall before you can fly...!

Zaka

In yesteryear, I have learned that while facts may be facts, if you ask enough questions and explore enough options you can find a way around seemingly unchanging situation. But at the moment, however, I seem to have exhausted my options. I need to forget about seeking ways to avoid certain matters and simply accept things as they are.

I used to pride myself on being bold, courageous and able to cope with all of life’s challenges. Yet at the moment I am feeling unusually sentimental - if not emotionally vulnerable. I’ve been thinking about making changes in my way of living or working, or perhaps both. While I have explored various options. No single plan has lasted. I hate to admit my life has been a dircetionless mess. I need time to figure out all the mess in my life that has been created by none other than myslef. I kind of realized that something needed to be recognized. What am I doing? Do I like doing this or like being here? Does this make me happy?

Being under pressure to make decisions is no fun, and if these involve the structure of your life. You have to ensure you do the right things. 

I make mistakes - in fact it won't be wrong to say that it has become a sort of habit. I let the opportunities go and then regret later. They say once in a life time opportunity stares you in the face saying grab it as you running out of time and I will not be there if you act later. And when that happened, you feel like man who realized that he led himself to a dead end. But then hope is that beaconing bird that you see in a hopeless situation. 
Sometimes a crisis becomes a biggest asset. A dead-end street could just be a place to turn around. There's always another day or so they say.

A Tale of An August Evening

Zaka

On the stony fence, I sat in silence, thinking of nothing. Just staring at the changing tide and listening to the crushing waves. 

"So what makes these waves so determined?", a thought popped up in my head as with every attempt, the waves tried to achieve new heights - rise and fall - then rise again... "They never fail to rise again", mused I.

"Can I sit here"... said an old man with a cane - pointing towards one of the wooden bench behind the stony fence. This row of wooden-benches was installed few days ago.

"Yeah...!! since I don't claim the ownership, so you know", I was being rude. His interference didn't go down well with me.

"I didn't say you do", he chuckled. By ignoring my impertinence, his desire to strike up a conversation was obvious.

"Lonely oldies", thought I.

"You too, are alone or what?", he said as if he had read my thoughts.

"Is it a question or observation. Should I walk away. This man seems weird", just in a second, a plethora of thoughts crossed my mind. I turned my face towards the sea assuming that looking in his eyes could open up my mind again to him. We sat in silence. Though I tried to relate my thoughts with the waves but there was something in my heart wouldn't allow me to do so. I was more interested in supposed things happening behind my back.

"Isn't it weird how a seemingly innocuous remark distracts you or gets you in a stew", I thought. "I'm certainly thinking too much, didn't have the best of time of late. That made me even more insecure", I took a deep breath that somewhat broke the shackles of my thoughts.

"What makes you think that I'm lonely?", I summoned some courage to ask, because I didn't want a conversation, especially with a weird old man.

"ahaa you back"...

"Oh really", I turned back, "I was never gone", I peered at him.

"Oh sure you were, long gone. Somewhere with those waves yonder", he peered back.

"What are you mister", I thought.

"To see a young man sitting alone along the beach and think he's a loner", he shrugged "It's a no-brainer"...

"Sitting alone doesn't mean that someone is a loner"...

"You see that old man and those young folks", he said as my vision followed the traces of an imaginary line he just drew with his forefinger. The old man was sitting about 50 feet off us - gazing at the horizon. He seemed engrossed in his thoughts. And on the beach, a bunch of guys was frolicking away the cool August evening.

"The old man is just another pathetic being like me who is living with memories - only memories. While on the other side those young folks like you, are in the process of making those memories", added he. "As you're sitting alone in a wonderful evening, I can say you are drifted from your path if not lost", he tittered.

"Hmmmm Life well-spent Mr. Weird. You know a lot about life", I thought.

"Well that is a pretty flimsy evidence", I smirked assuming the air of sassiness again. "Being young doesn't necessarily mean you ought to be with a crowd. Sometimes one needs to spend some time with oneself. I like to walk alone on the beach or sit and watch the sun kissing the choppy water".

"Maybe you have an old soul then", he winked.

I rolled my eyes then laughed, and he joined in. He doesn't seem much weird now. 

"So you have an aversion to people". he whispered after a moment of quiet.

"Nope, I'm not what you thinking". 

"He must have been a chatterbox in his younger days" I said to myself.

"What am I thinking?".

"Misanthropic"...

"Then what's it?"...

"Let me say I'm just shy of people. I do spend some time with them, but believe most of them are hypocrites"...

"You are a cynic?"...

"Guilty"...

"What do you do?"..

"Journo"....

"Interesting", he nodded, "I have a question for you. Would you say people are inherently good or bad?"..

"I think they are just people. What they do - makes them good or bad"..

"Exactly", he nodded again, "A moment of compassion even in a hypocrite can give meaning to a life. Life can bring about many dreary and unbearable experiences, but we don't quit living with the exception of few of course. It is like walking, when you take a tumble, you get up but don't stop walking. if someone wasn’t trustworthy, this doesn't mean that the whole world isn't?
There's only one way to seek out the truth about folks and that is to refrain from any sort of prejudice. Only then you will discover who is reliable and who isn’t", he tapped my shoulder and walked away. The dusk was falling as I saw his shadowy figure dwindled away in the gloom.

Crucify

In the bastille of ego,
I'm the guilty rebel
Who was crucified, 
By advocates of love

An Escapist

Zaka

In Search of "Me",
Who no longer exists
I wander around aimlessly
And,
I ain't alone
So many lost souls
I can now see
Some wishing to be found,
Others, resigned to their fate
Of living in this disillusioned domain

I feel fed up 
The everyday life,
Is just so mundane
I feel as if I'm stuck in a labyrinth
I used to have an idea of where I stand
But
Now 

The idea has slipped right out of my hands

It is getting harder to connect the dots
How long
Am I willing to wait
Is this just the beginning
Or is it the end
Is my soul really lost
Or was it never there at all
I give up

Want an escape
Let my fantasies overthrow reality
I'm going to walk into the station
Buy a ticket to an alien destination
Where,
I can just be me....!!!

Unstoppable

By Zaka

In the darkest hour of night
By the window
I sat
Listening to the sound 
Of the heart
That beats
Tirelessly
For ages
But now,
This heart
Should rest awhile....!!