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Wednesday, June 26, 2013

10 singns that you’re mad about football


  1. You tweet while watching the game as if an expert in the commentator’s box.
  2. You question almost every ref decision especially that goes against your side.
  3. You suggest teams and strategies to your manager before games.
  4. You rant and rave about underperforming players. And point out who should be sold or bought in the summer.
  5. Upon losing, you always come up with some sort of excuse to defend your club.
  6. You always find time to take the piss out of your opponents' supporters.
  7. You take your kit on holidays on the off chance of a game.
  8. Jerseys be found in your closet and your room walls are covered with your favorite players’ pictures.
  9. You use football terminologies in real life and ordinary folks think you are nuts.
  10. In the off-season, you feel as if something is missing from your life.

Antisocial or Selectively Social


“Actually you’re……”, she said and then turned away as I rolled my eyes. Seconds later, she turned back as if contemplating whether to say what she wanted or not.

"Hmmmmmm", I gave her a frigid glare, because I had not wanted to indulge in any kind of conversation.

“You’re not like the others”, seemed she mustered some courage.

“So what?”, terse as ever I was. "I don't wanna be"...
“You need to be a tad more social”... whispered she.
“Did I ever say or suggest anything to you or the others?" Before she could even have a thought. 
"NOPE", snarled I.

“The problem ain’t being being social or not - the problem is that you people just don't mind your own business. Always try to poke your nose in other’s affairs. Take for instance, this uncalled-for conversation you picked up for no reason and to make it even more loathsome, you don’t have the gall to say what you really wanted to say”. I bluntly conveyed what I felt about.

With a sheepish smile, She turned around and just as she started to trudge...  

“And one more thing”, my uncharacteristically aloud tone made her stop but she preferred not to turn back as if knew that not much pleasurable was coming her way.

“I ain't here to be what people want me to be. Accept people the way they are. Nobody is here to make others happy”, I sneered.
Conceited, haughty, arrogant blah blah blah - people have been saying all of me. Of course behind my back. Do I care? Heck no, but sometimes I do get curious to know why do they?

I have no issues interacting with people and I can get through social situations just fine. But, I have no desire to hang out. I don't try to fit in. Whenever I have to explain this to someone, they say "social anxiety disorder". I, for one, don't believe that is the case. I don't get panic attacks while in public places, although when I am in public gatherings - more often than not, I feel detached from others. I'm very quiet in social settings and sometimes I just hate socializing. 

It is obvious that this world is a an extrovert's playground. Most people of my age like to party. But really it's okay not to go to parties. This doesn't make you freak. I am a totally different person than anyone else I know and people often don't get me. I know word "Hate" sounds bad. So I'd only say I don't like people. It is just so draining for me to blab with people. Therefore, I avoid them. I'd rather be asleep in my bed than to contribute to a conversation I don't give a damn about.

At times, I feel like one of those little kids who run away from the others just to play by themselves. I wasn't antisocial in school days. However, it was completely different "Me" when I started going to university. And I still can't figure it out why? I know it would be hard to go through life being sort of semi-isolated but I can't help it.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

When Fantasy Overrides Reality


"Be like the others Zak, you don't have an alien DNA. Come out of your fantasy"....
Dangling my legs off the edge, I was sitting on the bridge - humming(I guess I'll die another day, It's not my time to go)  with an addled mind - Mind that was busy unweaving. Figuring out what has long been left to jumble up.
"Who the heck are you", I snapped back without looking.
I heard footsteps first. Saw a shadow on the railing then. And then, saw 'em. he sat beside me.

"Cool place huh?" mused he.
"Gosh...! are you kidding me? you can't be real"....
"I think I am"...
"Like for real?? oh man I can't believe this". I touched his face and hair - fearing as if he was a ghost that would vanish with the winds.
"Why can't I be real?", he smirked.
"Coz you're exactly like me man. Mind you, I don't have a twin brother", I gasped. "Stranger! I've never seen anything like this before and this seems...."
"But it's a huge world out there", he cut me short. His face remained expressionless though.
"Yeah...! huge frigging world, that's the problem"... I took a deep breath, filled my lungs to the limit and then exhaled it audibly".
"God my eyes are burning, there's so much salt in this howling winds", I mused with a quick glance towards 'em. I was still incredulous.

Listless as he was, he just gazed at the horizon as if there was something in the clouds. It was nothing there, albeit I could almost smell the rain.

"So who are you and how did you get to know me?"....
"I am you Zak'....
"Hey.... you're feakin' me out"....
"Nope, I ain't", He chimed in.......
"f*****", My patience wore thin....
"What? are you for real?, as if being my doppelganger wasn't eerie enough, now you're pretending to be me".... I retorted.
"Nope, I'm not pretending, I am you. You just need to calm down a bit. It is not that hard to understand if you want to"....
"Calm down huh? a stranger came from nowhere, ruined my evening and telling me to be cool", I hissed.

We remained quiet for few minutes.
"So, you have nothing to ask", he smirked.
"This sounds like a question", I sighed.
"Well, it is a question", he grinned.
"You'll understand me when we're done with this - perhaps an awkward meeting. and..."
"Can't you just stop baffling me", I almost cried.
"Okay..! you wanna know why I resemble you? Because I'm you. You talk to me all the time. It's kinda paradox... C'm on lets have a stroll. I love this suspension bridge, don't you?".
I stood quietly and started to trudge with 'em as if I was hypnotized.
"I'm always with you when you're alone"...
"But that is a figment of my imagination"...
"Yeah, I'm that same imagination, just took a tad different shape"...
"What? you mean dreaming"..
"WTH, what is it? Control dreaming like they do in Inception??? I loved that movie by the way. I gotta tell you something, I hardly dream. I often have dreamless sleep. That maybe one reason I daydream a lot"... I laughed knowing that how stupid it sounds.

"I know that right. You imagined me but somehow I've become real and now felt compelled to tell you that this thing doesn't get you anywhere. You have to kill me to get out of this utopia of yours. There's no such thing as Neverland. It's all in your head Zak"...
"Hey you", shouted I "you can go to hell"...
He laughed as the dusk took over the dying light.
"I know you ain't ready for this", he whispered.
"Whatever"... I shrugged "But I don't wanna see you again in my dreams"....
"That's exactly what I'm talkin' about. You have to get rid of me and move on with your life"....
"Or I can jump off this bridge and as you say I'm dreaming. I'll wake up, and you won't be there"... I snapped my eyes open, looking down at the choppy water. "This all seems a bit absurd for a dream but anyway if this was real and I jumped, would I survive?"
He looked down and grinned, "A clean dive perhaps"....

And then something happened - perhaps an earthquake. The bridge trembled and then collapsed into the sea.
"Somebody help me", I woke up as I shrieked in the ice cold water."
"Whoa! that was a dream", I felt numb."A really weird one", I whispered while rubbing my eyes.
"What time is it? god I'm so thirsty, my throat is a spit-less dry desert", I said as if I was still talking to that weird chap.
I came downstairs and smeared my throat with water. Somehow I didn't feel like going back to sleep. So I sat in the kitchen. I couldn't help thinking of that dream. In fact it triggered a soul searching journey. Isn't it a little bit of nightmare to meet oneself with no warning?

Monday, June 10, 2013

Extreme Random

“WTF is he writing, this horoscope thing is crap?”, I sling the magazine.

I've been so clueless of late. I quit my job, I thought I hate my job but as it turned out, it was the employer. I love my profession. Maybe I have rediscovered my love for it in the past week. Sharapova lost yet another final to Serena, god I hate Serena so much. I ain't racist btw…. yeah I was talking about my love for journalism. I think I should start anew. 4 years period for your 1st job is enough anyway. Btw I got a call already from an electronic media. 

TV is full of shit these days or is it just got boring coz I have nothing to do these days and I lost my love for gaming also, maybe coz I’m missing my buddy. We ain't on speaking terms. My feet fingers got better, y’know I’m so allergy-prone. Yeah so if I’m gonna join this news channel, then I have gotta work in shifts and I can't do that.. 

The past couple of weeks I have had extreme trouble sleeping. First it started as just me frequently waking up in the middle of the night, and waking up too early in the morning. Is it insomnia or what? Usually when I go to bed, I start out by thinking about anything then my mind kinda drifts off and I fall asleep. But these days, when I close my eyes, my mind starts going through a bunch of random thoughts that have nothing to do with anything. Random images pop into my head and I think of just really spontaneous, random things, and after a while of this I become aware that I'm not asleep and my mind is going through all those random thoughts, then I get freaked out coz I don't know why it's happening. 
Right now, it's almost midnight, and I'm wide awake. You must be wondering what shit is this? Actually, I post this crap on twitter usually but I’m posting it here just tell myself what kinda idiot I am.