Physically disconnected from the world - I haven’t shaved my face for almost two weeks. Dizzy and flustered - I’m feeling like a soldier who’s in his first battle – sleep deprived and occupied by thoughts of fear. Fear of unknown, and what’s there? Who is there? Beyond that intangible line. One step beyond that line which resembles the line dividing the living from the dead, lies uncertainty, suffering and death. No one knows, but one wants to know. You fear and yet long to cross that line, and know that sooner or later it must be learned what lies on the other side of death.
On my terrace, as if searching for something, I gaze into the distance, at the horizon and at the sun. How beautiful the sky looks. How blue, calm and how deep. How bright and glorious is the setting sun. There was peace and happiness. I should wish for nothing else, nothing if only I were there. But here in this world, there’s so much suffering, fear and uncertainty, like everyone is running somewhere and nobody knows where. I don’t know if I should run with them.
At this instant, sun began to hide behind the clouds. And the fear of uncertainty and love of life all melded into one feeling of sickening agitation.